The year 2003 was the end of my life in a way, so on this day of  faux rapture, it is fitting for me to tackle then and now, and how I work my way through.

Then, I’d melted into a pathetic mess, unable to cope with gender pressure and remain a responsible adult. I made it back in a good, strong way, and rebuilt my life…but knowing that a second issue stemming from the melted still waited ahead. That came to be in the third quarter of 2008. When it did, I was ready – no meltdown. I stood strong, drawing on all I’d learned.

I made it through to this side, to now, to the positive, ready to move forward. The trick is to remember getting going again takes time and patience. I cannot fall victim to depression, or sit around feeling sorry for myself. In balance, while I could do better, I do an okay job of shaking off the occasional sense of worthlessness that sneaks up on me. Nope, it can’t claim me, and no,  it won’t get in the way of finding work.  No!

I search for work. I get rejections and every rejection is a challenge to overcome. I’m a good person, I’m have lots to offer, I do, I do. So I tell myself, so others tell me, but the challenge will be there until someone says ‘you’re hired’.  This week, I will go after volunteer work.

What gets me through, beyond the support of family and friends, is my writing. Not here, this is just a side track for obligatory ranting of excess thoughts. Even writing this post creates apprehension; I should be writing fiction. Not many read this, so why bother? Because I need the discipline of commitment, to my writing, to this blog, to everyone around me. Slacking off is my biggest fear, and my greatest demon.

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