, ,

What a day after what a night.

Ever since I watched Felina, the extraordinary conclusive episode to the peerless television series Breaking Bad, I’ve had the final song of its soundtrack looping in my sleep.

Through crazy dreams, through work, Badfinger’s Baby Blue hung tough, manipulating my emotions. I’m linking it right here so it gives you a sense of what’s haunted me for over a day now.

Haunted is a good word. Or maybe conjured. Evoked. Bestirred.

If you haven’t seen the show, you won’t get why song and show tie into what I’m about to say. There are summaries of the plot out there if you wish to read them.

The combination struck a sensitive nerve. I never cooked meth or sold drugs. Never killed anyone. Yet, one scene in particular with family where he comes clean about his transgressions, well… that one produced the above verbs. I crushed a family, a good family. I ripped its heart out, and did a whole lot of other damage to others well beyond. In one poignant scene, Walter touches the periphery of the carnage, in a way that screamed ‘just like me’.

It isn’t easy living with it, but I do most of the time, until a reminder comes along that holds a mirror to how vile a creature I was for those two whatever years.

Guess I got what I deserved*

*Baby Blue, Badfinger.