The official record: fifty-seven, parent of two wonderful daughters now grown and building their own lives, grandparent of a beautiful baby boy. They are the good, the best of my life. After a lifelong struggle with gender dysphoria, I transitioned in 2003. I’m a feminist and dyke, once co-hosted the now defunct feminism board on iVillage (as well as its politics today debate board and further back, friends and families of lgbtq folk.)
If you follow this space, you are aware of how I melted down prior to and during my transiting of gender lines in 2003, and it resulted in a felony conviction from my mismanagement of self-employment. From June 2009 to March 2011, I served time in a federal prison camp (the kind without fences.)
I volunteer at Planned Parenthood, and attend school on a health career track.
Over the last four years, my online writing evolved away from a means of opining on issues (message boards and starting in 2005, a blog) and sharing snippets of my life into a variety hour, opining on topics of interest, writing issues, and posting occasional snippets of novel work or a complete short story.
Prior to 2000, never did creative writing tickle my interest. Three plus years in, my world would be poorer absent obsession to craft stories and commit them to paper.
My writing skill developed through work, honed over the last fourteen years by personal interactions online, inspired by the highs and lows, joys and hurts, of my life generated by the crossing of the gender lines society draws around us. Inspiration comes from experience, from people I love and from people I admire. Story subjects might be serious – I do tend to write serious – or they might serve to lighten my mood. There are some stories I will pass on writing, because something inside resists the effort. In general, family remains off limits by self imposed restriction, but other things related to gender experiences tie to hurts I’ve little wish to revisit. I’ve written thirty-five pages of a story only to trash it for heavy resistance to further exploration.
There are stories in change, in drama displacing us or that eviscerates our comfort zones. How others view us depends on the person from whom we seek an opinion. We may be the initiator or we may be the recipient, the hero, or the villain, liked or disliked, loved or hated. Those oppositional outlooks arise out of drama, in our life, in the life of another, from how well we dealt with the circumstances of that event.
For most of my life, drama played inside of me as I coped with something unseen but constantly present, known only to me. Over the last decade and a half, it all became unmanageable and uncontrolled, and erupted with life shredding force. My need to write arose from the struggle to overcome and survive. It provided an outlet for the memories, the hurts, the ploughing onward and the successes, a relief valve easing the pressure of my own harsh judgement of self.
Life moves forward, I trod onward, in writing, in life.
You can reach me at nellewrites at comcast dot net
Note: the blog footer is in hieroglyphics, spelling ‘nellewrites’.